Where Am I? Figuring out being home.

12 thoughts on “Where Am I? Figuring out being home.”

  1. That is a rough eating/sleeping schedule while you were working! Wow, you are amazing for sticking through that. I think you made the right decision to stay home, if that means everyone is sleeping more. Have you thought about applying to be a stylist at Stitch Fix just to have something else to do while you are figuring out what your next big move is?

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    1. You also had some crazy sleeping… but you make it through! I haven’t thought about Stitch Fix, but I’ll look into it! It’s surfaced a few times in conversations.

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  2. Wow does this sound familiar, I went through the same thing when my son Peter was born and I left my job at Google. Sorry to tell you but at least for me that voice that says, “maybe I should have stayed at work, or maybe it would be better for the kids and me” never goes away.

    What I have learned is to stop pressuring myself to live all my dreams at once. Staying home while my kids are little was one of my dreams, so I’m letting it be the focus of this chapter of my life. In the next chapter I’ll go back to Law School and change the world. I’m really excited for that chapter. But rather than feel like I’m missing out now, it can feel more like an exciting mystery novel, I am excited to see how it turns out.

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    1. Martha, thanks for sharing your experience. Staying home with kids is one of my dreams too. I didn’t realize how complicated it would feel, but it’s reassuring to hear your approach. Phases of life is a wonderful way to think about it.

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  3. I went back to work after three months and at first it felt like such a relief. I was in a never ending cycle of feeding, burping, cleaning, diapers (you know the one) but now it’s different. I love working, I am so passionate about my work but there are days when she falls asleep on my chest and I wish that I could be there all day just loving on her instead.

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    1. I do know the cycle! It probably just ebbs and flows that you feel good about your situation and then you want it another way. I hope we can support each other as we figure out what’s best for our families.

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      1. Exactly! It’s missing them when you’re on the road but also feeling incredible when you nail a presentation. It’s realizing you’re more than your job but also that you need to feel like you’re accomplishing something every day.

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  4. Ariel! So glad to have stumbled here! So happy to cheer you on from afar! Your family is beautiful!

    Are you stay-at-homing? I have so many thoughts in response to the questions you have posed, would love to share them all but there are too many to fit in a reasonable comment box. If asked to boil them down, I would tell you this: I spent almost three months in the hospital, praying that God would let me go home and see my babies before I died. Obviously he did even better than that, and my whole being breathes gratitude every day. I am grateful to be alive, grateful to be spending time with my kids, grateful for diapers and messes and broken plates and finger paint and for what look very much like cave drawings that mysteriously appeared on the wall of our bedroom while my two year old was taking a nap there. Every day I know that staying home with Henry and Jettie, before I was sick and as I continue to improve, was the only option for me. Despite this certainty, it is still hard. I couldn’t even stomach the thought of my 5 year reunion, the 10th passed last month and, though I entertained the idea of submitting a profile or an update for the report, when it came down to it, I had no idea how to describe my accomplishments or define myself. “Alive, married, has children.” I don’t even know if I do a great job momming. I hope to, try to, but I had to quit the Facebook, because between seeing all the awesome things my classmates were doing and the bragging posts that the other moms were sharing I was filled with so much self doubt. There isn’t a right or wrong choice, only right for you. Good luck as you try to find your own way! I look forward to reading about it now and then!

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    1. Hi Carrie! I am sorry it took me so long to respond, but I have been pondering your comment for a while. It really stuck with me. I have the comparison bug, and a big part of me feels like there is this perceived “potential” that I am letting slip away if I stay home, which is what I am doing at the moment. At the same time, I am really enjoying being home! I love spending time with Gemma. Knowing that even if your certain something is right, that the other option is still going to be enticing is a hard reality for me. Thanks for pointing out that that’s how it can be sometimes.

      I just hopped over to your blog as well and am excited to see what you guys are up to. Sending love and a hug!

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